The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
