Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
