u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't think brook has ever known best
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
