so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize