This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
