I will die if light touches me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
