I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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