6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize