I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
