hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
