you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
