Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
