I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
