people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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