Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
