guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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