She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
