That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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