I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
