So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
