I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
