This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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