Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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