have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
