Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize