he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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