ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
