Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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