So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize