I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
