I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
