i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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