is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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