WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
