Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
