Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
