gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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