Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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