Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
