can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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