This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
