I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
