kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
