worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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