i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize