I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize