so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
