Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
