You really coming over, don't trick.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
