i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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