Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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