I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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