I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
