he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize