I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
