She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
