Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
