he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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