i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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