..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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