Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
