Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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