wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
