yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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