it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
