You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
