please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
