but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
