i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This house was built for laser tag.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
