Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
