I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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