dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
