Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
