This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
