dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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