Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
