Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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