Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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