I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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