So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
