State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
