it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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