she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
