Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
