I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
