I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
