your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
