hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
