My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
