Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
