yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
