i was born a porn star she said
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
