she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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