a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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